As well as performing comedy, Ross is a writer and has written for other comedians and popular BBC Radio Scotland show, Breaking The News.

 

An example of some of the one liners and gags written for Breaking The News are listed below:

 

  • “New Scottish Baby Boxes” was a news headline that caused some confusion this week, as readers were unsure if they were starting them even younger these days at Easterhouse Boxing Club.

 

  • The nearby village of Harmondsworth is set to virtually disappear to make way for the new runway, which has prompted interest from the Scottish Government weighing up the potential for a second runway at Prestwick and how much we really need Ayr.

 

  • Doctors need to continue this practice of being more forthright when dealing with issues with patients, the softly softly approach doesn’t work and I would go as far to say that when it comes to obesity, they definitely shouldn’t sugar-coat your condition as that’s how you ended up in this way in the first place.

 

  • Britain’s Goth Community came together in Whitby last weekend for the town’s biannual Goth Weekend.  The event was said to be a fantastic success, nobody had fun.

 

  • Sir Michael Caine has announced that he believes in income tax.  In other news Cher announces that she believes in “life after love.”

 

  • Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron has stated that his party won’t prop up a minority government.  As using props is also a sin.

 

  • A farmer’s daughter has saved 7,000 chickens from the slaughterhouse after appealing to the public to buy them as family pets for £1.  7,000 members of the public who are presently enjoying a delicious, cost-effective, homemade chicken curry.

 

  • Trump has mentioned to Farage that he believes Scotland is the most beautiful country in the world but we ruin it by having so many wind turbines.  It maybe has a point, as often we hear of people complaining that a set of wind turbines are ruining the view we have of Arbroath.

 

  • They earn in total in cold hard cash each year about £30m a year.  The citizens of this country need to know more about what this gets us, as there is no way we would be happy to pay £30m for any German, unless that German was going to guarantee us 30 goals a season.

 

  • An iguana sauntered onto a tennis court during a match between Tommy Haas and Jiri Vesely at the Miami Open, causing an eight minute delay.  An 8 minute delay caused by an impromptu match where he beat Tim Henman in straight sets.

 

  • Adolf Hitler’s phone from 1943 has apparently been sold for £161,000.  Which should cover the phone bill to BT if that thing has been left off the hook all this time.

 

  • We in Scotland have created the hashtag #PresidentBawbag in response to a potential Trump visit.  We like to do that in Scotland, call anything we don’t like bawbag, hurricanes, guy in traffic, your kids.  Anything we don’t like or are likely to cause major collateral damage basically.

 

  • North Korea have claimed that they will carry out weekly nuclear missile tests, which is a weird reminder to add to your iPhone calendar.  Monday – do big shopping, Tuesday – take bins out, Wednesday – threaten world security.

 

  • Nigel Farage has caused controversy in Brussels by comparing the EU to the Mafia, completely misunderstanding what the mafia does as he is currently alive and not sleeping with the fishes, which he would say is impossible due to the current EU fishing quota.

 

  • Labour’s only Scottish MP, Ian Murray, is said to be relishing the new election as it gives him an opportunity to find a colleague so he doesn’t have to sit beside himself in the staff canteen.

 

  • 90-year-old Chuck Berry is releasing his first new album in 38 years, with singles lined up called “Get Off My Lawn, Punk”, “Have You Seen My Tablets?” and “These Are Not My Slippers.”

 

  • MSP Alison Johnstone has called for all Scotland team qualifiers to be shown on terrestrial TV.  Gordon Strachan has asked for the opposite and said “the less eyes we have on these debacles the better, folks.”

 

  • Trainers, pineapples and decorative flamingos have replaced CD racks and selfie sticks in the average British shoppers trolley and is said to be the biggest challenge to date on Ready, Steady, Cook.

 

If you wish to discuss some writing work for yourself, please get in touch.

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© Ross Leslie